mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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