is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
