But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
