She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
