You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
