i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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