haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
