i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
