her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
