Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i think i have two assholes
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
