take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
