Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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