my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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