Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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