yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
