i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
