I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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