i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
