Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
