i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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