we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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