Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
