Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
