I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
