I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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