I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
