Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
