I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
