I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
