Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My breasts were aching with rage.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
