Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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