not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this boner is exhausting
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
