can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I want to fling myself into the sun
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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