I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
wow bdsm is so cute
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
