Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
