you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
