Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
