you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
