She is in my trunk
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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