youre lurking in front of me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
