Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
