Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
