A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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