I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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