if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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