I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
