I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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