Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
