just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
