Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
