Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
