mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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