so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
